Women vs. Men

by Maxime Durocher, May 19, 2013

I don’t believe in gender differences. Shocking, isn’t?

What I mean is that excluding our physical forms, the differences between a given woman and a given man can be tallied to the differences between two individuals. Don’t get me wrong, there are generalities we can extract for one gender or the other, but we can't apply those to individuals. Those generalities we often extract are there to make us think, not to give us the answer.

Take for example that book « Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus ». People took it as a quick magical answer to one of life’s problem. It made them feel good about failing in their relationship, instead of making them try to understand what was going on in their life and see the person they’re with as an other complex human being. Reduction cannot be applied to individuals.

It’s difficult enough to try to understand ourselves, how do you think we can decipher somebody else? I’ve said often that I truly think that a long term relationship will only last if you’re comfortable with the other person’s failings and foibles. Everybody can appreciate somebody’s qualities, but accepting somebody’s annoying little habits? There’s the challenge, and those irritating, grating, or enraging, tidbits are not related to our gender, but our identity.

Generalities are interesting pieces of information, but they shouldn’t be the basis of any argument. Throwing something out there like « It’s a guy/girl thing, you wouldn’t understand. » has to be the most insulting comment possible, because it takes the other for an imbecile incapable of the most simple extrapolation. It also promulgates a scission between gender.

How can you get harmony between sexes if you keep throwing up a wall like that on a regular basis. Those that moans the most about not being understood are those most likely to throw that comment out.

Society will define your gender according to a certain number of things:

  • Your interests
  • Your hobbies
  • Your aptitudes
  • The way you dress
  • Gender you most easily get along with (friends)
  • Gender you are sexually attracted to
  • Gender you fall in love with
  • Your physical appearance
  • Your genetic makeup

While it might guess right most of the time, all too often, something is not going to fit.

I’ll take myself as an example. My friends are women, I am sexually attracted to women and I fall in love with women. Most guys usually have guy friends even though they are sexually attracted to women and also fall in love with them. Am I more manly than other men or less?

Now, imagine someone who mostly have girl friends, is sexually attracted to both sexes, but falls in love only with men. Can you tell what gender that person is?

Let’s make it even more difficult to define what is a man and what is a woman. What if I told you, you can be born with a penis, live your life as a man, yet have the genetic makeup of a woman? What if a person is born with both sexes, has the tendencies of a woman, yet have the genetic makeup of a man, how should that person evolve when puberty hits? That’s a real situation that happen more often than you think.

Sexual identity is a struggle for some, an obvious thing for others, but why should we let society define us or set us apart?

Being asked our gender on an application form should be as discriminatory as asking for our race.

Let’s rise up, be individuals, and share.