Q 48

Unfortunately life has not been so kind to my body. I'm a fighter however it has left me with some rather large scars. I have come to terms with them, but my self confidence is not there, and I have needs, wants and desires.

Is it even possible for men to look past that and see the person inside?


Short answer: Yes, it is possible.

Long answer: In our society, most people judge others based on look and are attracted to what they see, which makes it more difficult when you don't fit their standard. That being said, a lot of people, including men, can appreciate the person inside when they get to know it. For that to happen, the circumstances must facilitate that. Usually, joining activity/interest clubs (not going out in bars, that's the worst way to do it) and doing group activities that you enjoy are a perfect way to do this. However, these are not magic bullets, you must put yourself out there and not be shy about being yourself. Also, such a process requires time.

I'll give you an example. At my first full time job, I met a guy who had a huge purple birthmark covering three quarter of his face. At first I could only see that. However, the guy was outgoing, funny, intelligent and a riot to hangout with. I remember, three years later, noticing that I wasn't seeing his birthmark anymore, and believe me it's impossible to miss. I realized that it had become just another part of who he was instead of all he was.

Granted, this is not a love affair, but a friendship coworker deal, but it's the same principle, I assure you.

You might think, but I haven't met a guy who sees beyond my scars. Those guys you've met, aren't guys you want to be with, even though they might be dreamy. If they can't see you as you are, you don't want to waste time with them. I remember the day I stopped looking at girls who were attention seekers, however pretty they were. I remember that blond girl who had my attention as well as the attention of two others. I felt played with. That sentiment is what helped me completely ignore those type of girls for the rest of my life. It's a question of realizing what's good for us.

The last thing I'll address is the fact that you mentioned that you presently have no self confidence. Let me reassure you, you don't need self confidence to be yourself, and being yourself is all you need to find the right guy for you.

I'll give you another example. I'm an escort and it means that it's pretty impossible for me to have a girlfriend, because very few women will accept that. I'm not going to lie about being an escort to have a girlfriend, because any girl who can't accept what I do, can't love me for who I am. So, being myself is extremely important in order to have a good relationship with whoever I might encounter. More over, in the number of girls who'll accept what I do, very few are compatible with the rest of my personality. That means a lot of celibacy for me.

In the end, mingle, be yourself, let time flow by. Don't worry too much, appreciate life as a celibate, all too soon, that will change.