Q 49

I was thinking the other day, as I am wont to do, and it occurred to me, that to my knowledge, there is no book such as "She's Just Not That Into You" for men.

Now I know women can talk to their girlfriends for hours about what a guy's voicemail message or some friendly buy noncommital comment may have or may have not meant as I have been on the listening end of many such conversations in my lifetime. It seems with the popularity of books such as the aforementioned one, that many women can't make heads or tails of the cues they receive from men.

So, my question is: is a man at a loss about the signals women are sending? Does he know if a woman really likes him even if she doesn't come right out and say it? Does he know when she loathes him even if it isn't verbalized? Are men as clueless to women's intentions as some women seem to be when it comes to men?

I was just curious if women were, in general, coming across loud and clearly enough.

A

Is a man at a loss about the signals women are sending?

Concerning most men, society doesn't nurture or value signal interpretation in men. So, I'll say most men are clueless in that department unless the signals are bold.

Personally I perceive those signals well, but I tend to require them to be clear to make any kind of move. The best I'll do is respond to a signal in kind, maybe slightly bolder, but never more. For me, it's an exchange between equals. Unfortunately, society encourages women to be passive and that just doesn't work for me. I require an exchange, even if it's a slow one or a very subtle one, but I won't do all the work and leave the decision to her with me dangling at the end of her line.

Does he know if a woman really likes him even if she doesn't come right out and say it?

Most of the time, I do. But it can be so subtle sometimes that it can be easily missed. I think it's true for most men. If there are no signals, we can't make them up. If it's not strong enough, it needs to be amplified.

Funny thing, though, if I'm talking to a woman, and I can't keep my mind off sex even though I'm trying very hard to concentrate on the discussion, then I've found out that most time, she's thinking about sex too.

Does he know when she loathes him even if it isn't verbalized?

That's the easiest one to identify for me, especially if it's as strong as loathing. However, I think most men are blind to the fact or they simply ignore it. They are so determined to get what they want. More over, society tells them they are the hunter, the woman the prey, and that if they persevere long enough, they'll get her. It's ridiculous.

Are men as clueless to women's intentions as some women seem to be when it comes to men?

To keep it simple, I'll say that society as it is today, doesn't give men enough reinforcement to be analytical when it comes to emotions, and society imposes such different standard between men and women, that both sexes are clueless about the other. In the end, though, we're all human, and if we take the time to open up our multifaceted identity, letting both our feminine and masculine side express themselves in each of us, I think we could strike a better balance. Of course, we'll never have homogeneity and it's something we don't want, it would kill diversity which is the spice of life.

My guideline is if I can't understand somebody, maybe I shouldn't have a relationship with that person. So, trying to decipher somebody is a fruitless task when it comes to establishing a loving relationship.

I was just curious if women were, in general, coming across loud and clearly enough.

They rarely do. If you ask my personal opinion, women could use a little less subtlety and go clearly after what they want. Fuck convention. The only women I got into a relationship with were the types of women who went after me. I never chased women, I don't like having to prove myself. I might make the first move, a subtle one mind you, but I'll expect one in return for my advances to continue.

One last thing. Concerning that man version of the book, it would be too short to publish. If you perceive any signal from a man, you're being led on to a non exclusive relationship. In most cases, if a man wants something, he'll say so.