Q 57

I'm a married woman (not an open marriage) that wants more than just sex...I want a strong fun relationship outside of the bedroom....going as close to that "line" as possible. I can get sex only anytime. Its empty though. How do men (single or attached) feel about that type of arrangement? Are you hesitant because feelings may arise?


My professional opinion is that the men you were in contact with probably weren’t interested in more than a fling because you’re not completely available. Some might have been hesitant, as you say, because deeper feelings may arise. Others might simply not have wanted to invest more than energy than necessary in a relationship that you could stop at any moment.

Anyone will be wary of investing in a potential breakup. A breakup is always hurtful, even if things are clear. If you’re already committed somewhere else, then it’s easier for you to just drop the extra relationship at a moment’s notice. That will make most people wary.

So, it’s not so much that the partners you had weren’t looking for more than a sexual relationship, it’s just that the situation isn’t favorable to a stronger tie. If you were to be an in an open relationship with your husband, that would be different. Still, it’s never easy to find truly open partners even when you’re in a stable open relationship.