Q 61

I don't like being wary...it gets tiring always wondering if men I do not know are approaching me with ulterior motives.

But I have lost track of the number of seemingly honest and upstanding men I know tell me in a moment of truth that they only approach women if they are interested in them sexually, that is they do not seek to interact with women as "just friends" and if they are being friendly it really means they are hoping to get to naked sexy times.

"Men just are not interested in being only friends with a woman" they tell me with a shrug.

I figured this would be the place to ask. Do men ever approach a woman to be just friends, or are they always hoping underneath something more might happen?

A

Ulterior motives, we all have them most of the time, men or women in all kinds of situations, even if they’re very benign.

That being said, do all men always approach a woman to eventually have sex? No. Your sample might be biased. That happens to certain types of women and I’m not just talking about those who happen to have a body type that is considered attractive within their society.

Do most men have such an ulterior motive? Pretty often. Will all men that do act on it? No. For example, I had a long-time friend to which I was very attracted to, from the very beginning. I never said a word about it, even though we slept in the same bed on many occasions. She even asked me once directly and I said I would be curious, but that’s it. I just didn’t want to change our friendship, she was really dear to me. Am I an exception? No.

I think the women who best deal with this situation, do it in either one of two ways. In one way, they simply assume that most men don’t want to have sex with them and deal with it when they express the sentiment. In the other way, they assume most men want to have sex with them and ignore the fact.

Those who keeps on being wary tend to be skittish, they will ignore any overture from a man unless they are interested in him or be very rude to them. That isn’t very good for man-woman relationships. Then again, those guys who keep thinking with their dicks are no better.